Stages of (Inner) Change

Level 1: Not Listening

“You feel like you’re betraying yourself.”* This doesn’t feel right and you know it. Not following guidance, both inner and outer. Not pausing for stillness or reflection. Refusing to hear the truth.

Level 2: On Standby

This doesn’t feel right, but it doesn’t feel wrong either. State of confusion. Constantly asking yourself, “Am I missing something?” Honest reflection and prayer yield no guidance for change. Feeling stuck, yet knowing you’re doing your best. Waiting.

Level 3: Flow

In flow. “Yes!” In contact with soul. Joy. Sense of purpose and fulfillment. Certainty. Labors of love. Synchronicity. Truth that has followed you your whole life long.

*quote credit to Carolyn Myss

dialogue

your pain is alive
it has a pulse
a heartbeat
and it needs to be acknowledged
as a living being.

ask what it needs
thank it for being the messenger
you don’t want but know
deep down you need.

nurture it with questions
with listening
and with silence

with not demanding answers
and with patience

and someday it will whisper
the words it has waited
all this time to say.

there is no final draft.

it is okay if other people become who I wanted to be.

it is okay if they master my half-developed talents

or realize my half-begun dreams.

it is okay if they live the life I wanted to live.

I will visit them daily

at the altar of forgiveness.

it is okay if others outshine me.

it is okay if words spoken in bitterness become true

so long as I come to love the truth.

maybe I won’t try to be who I am anymore

because I don’t know who I am.

perhaps I will not mind if others misunderstand

because I do not understand either.

maybe losing is letting go

and letting go is becoming.

when the body speaks

maybe there’s a difference between emotions that arise from thinking

and emotions that arise from the body.

in other words, the primary source is the body, not the mind.

they never passed through the mind before reaching you.

these emotions tell the truth, for the body does not lie.

allow yourself to feel them fully.

these are the moments that bring catharsis.

healing.

the message will arise if you can be still.

be patient.

the truth is neither good nor bad.

we do not have a word for it,

and that is for the best,

for we must learn to move beyond words

to define things.

allow yourself to feel

without words.

name the emotion, but be mindful of the thoughts

that arise.

are they adding to a story?

or are they bringing you closer

to the truth?


I’d like to express my gratitude to Eckhart Tolle, whose recent YouTube video inspired this post. His teachings have been life changing for me. I encourage you to check them out.

pain to power

Pain to power
Doesn’t mean replacing 
With pleasure 
Or numbness

It doesn't mean 
Getting rid of

It means being alive in it 
Breathing through it 
Listening to it 

Allowing it 
So you may also 
Allow the light to come through 

That’s what heals you 
That’s what makes you powerful. 

***
Thanks to my friend Dr. Andrea Dinardo for the phrase "pain to power." 
I highly recommend you check out her blog, Thriving Under Pressure.

peace is proceeding.

Sometimes peace hurts.

Sometimes peace means feeling all the painful things all over again.

Except with peace, your spirit doesn’t hurt.

Because your heart is open.

You have let go.

What will happen? It’s never certain.

This you have accepted.

Whatever may come, you will be there.

You have committed to steadiness within yourself no matter what happens.

No matter how much it hurts.

No matter how much you miss what you’ve lost.

No matter how many pieces your heart has broken into.

This is why we can’t predict who will find peace.

Because peace does not depend on circumstance.

It does not require complex theories or figuring out.

Peace is proceeding.

One breath at a time.

Because you exist, and for no other reason.

Remember, above all, that peace is your friend.

You need not be lonely anymore.

what waits within

where is the grief
inside you living?

what waits within
like song inside a bird

what seizes your heart
in spasms of fear and glory
waiting, waiting
to be heard?

tell me, tell anyone, tell someone
even if only
in the faintest of whispers

until you touch the place inside
where grief melts into music.

to the artist of spirit

your art is the roots.

let it lie dark
and rich like the mud.

your breath
is your navigator.

show others the way through their breath
their limbs
their movements
make them like trees
make them bright as stars.

let go of “purpose.”
do it because it moves you.

someday is not your concern
for your time is now.

in time
your shallows shall swell
with the tide.

what you have so heavily resisted
shall become your bread and butter

and the heaviest burdens upon your back
shall become your ballasts.

go.
move.
it is the only way
if you are to light the way forward.

rooting

child
no matter how deeply
you have been wounded
remember:

one day a seed
will come along

take root exactly
where it hurts the most

slumber
in darkness until
you open up

and allow enough light
to reach it;

once you do that
nothing will stop
its furious
motion

its transformation
of dark matter
into something altogether
unexpected.